I tracked the link to your site from Catholic Mothers Online. It is a lovely site.

I have been fortunate not ever to have lost a child. I cannot imagine the grief that this upside-down order of things (parents are not supposed to outlive their children) can cause.

We have come close, however. My younger daughter was given a 50% chance of survival back in the 1970s when she was born with spina bifida and less was known about how to treat (she has one of the most severe forms of it, including epilepsy, no bowel or bladder control, paraplegia, and water-on-the-brain); today she is 33 years old, has completed two years of college, and lives independently. Our younger son was born with 18 birth defects three years later. No one really knew what his medical issues were, and he was given a tracheotomy along with a 0% chance of survival. He is now a robust but severely retarded 30-year-old living semi-independently in a group home and working in a sheltered workshop while spending some time in private enterprise. When he was 12 Stanford University suggested that he might have CHARGE Syndrome, a newly discovered set of birth defects, from which he would be among the oldest survivors, if not the only one that old. With additional time, we learned that he did have CHARGE Syndrome.

Our grandson was born with hydronephrosis in 2001. That’s not highly threatening, and 5 surgeries later, he began a nearly normal life. If he exhibits no problems at his annual check-ups, he will be declared cured at the age of 12.

Our granddaughter was born in April in disassembled condition. Almost all her organs are in the wrong place (liver where her intestines should be, intestines outside the body and dumping into the bladder, a spleen that seems to be working but that no one can find, and a spina column that is rolled up into a sac on the right side of her body). The only thing that the doctors moved were her legs in the hope that she will be able to walk if her legs were put into the proper place. Many organs were bifid (split in two — doctors had to sew them back together). She is missing entirely her colon and rectum and so has a colostomy. Her multiple problems, that also include spina bifida) are called OEIS Complex and occur in less than 1 out of 440,000 births. Therefore, doctors will not give any odds–only one doctor at Stanford University Hospital had had experience with such cases, and he is not sharing the previous outcomes. She is home now, though, and after babysitting her today, with her pretty little face, long eyelashes, and pleasant but feisty personality, I am giving her great odds at making it all the way through life.

You are right (or rather, Fr. McCarthy is). The grace of God is with us in such cases. My grown children have themselves helped and inspired many people. They have also softened the hearts of some very hard-hearted people. Without their disabilities, none of this would be possible. Moreover, thanks to my experience with them, we were in a position of knowledge and skills to take in a dying Siberian child artist who has spina bifida — and he is now a 32-year-old artist in Moscow, who has achieved some recognition for his work in the USA, while he lived here, and in Russia. And then, thanks to our experience with this young boy, we were able to intervene in the life of a dying blind orphan in Tula, whose two brothers had been adopted by an American family. In September, this young lady will be in the USA. The plan was to have her brothers with her when she died, but the doctors here now have her medical records and are confident that they can cure her, i.e. she will be coming here to live, not to die!

And so God works in our lives. Sometimes it seems that things are so very bad, but somehow God always turns the bad into good, into brilliant, into wonderful!

Thanks for your post, and may God continue to bless you!

Beth

I think it’s a sermon that I can apply to the suffering we are experiencing with my dad right now, so you have been a real source of grace in posting this!

And you’re right, we do have a wonderful pastor!